Digital Overcast

Selfless Love, Does It Exist and Where To Find It

Kien Lai | Phil 465 | 12/4/00 | California State Polytechnic University, Pomona

Selfless Love

The idea of such a thing called selfless love is frivolous. It simply does not exist. Love that only flows in a single direction fails to accomplish one of the natural elements of love itself. It is human nature to question the validity of our love because it lies in the realm of the unknown, giving us more reason to seek it out.

Putting love to the test can actually enhance it by letting the other partner know that you are committed to them. If the relationship lacked the foundation of healthy jealousy of one's spouse enjoying a conversation with another, then the inclination is that the relationship is in jeopardy. It is not a question of trust or loyalty, but a matter of affection one has for their partner. If one doesn't question love, then it may not be love to begin with. In turn, making selfless love inconsistent with true love, that which even time tests and measures.

Love is littered with demand. We want to posses good things, and like all good things, we want to posses them forever. The thinking behind Diotima's philosophy on love seems to reinforce this concept and applies it to love, showing selfless love to be a mere hypothesis in which is yet to be proven. We desire to posse exclusive love and extend it for as long as it is sustainable. However, in order to do so, we must take it apart, so to speak, and attempt to put it back together. This is done, for the most part, by questioning it, measuring, testing, and probing love that we fear and at the same time enjoy. Love is very much like a concept and we seek to know whether or not it really exists, for the unknown is what we tend to pursue.

The thought of knowing that your significant other loves you is nice. To hear them say they love you is even better. We wan to be reminded of how much we are loved. By simply hearing these three words, it tells us that we are wanted and needed this makes us feel needed. We seek something in return for our commitment and hearing these guarantees of love, give us a comfort zone or security. In the novel, "love and Garbage", Klima's mistress constantly desired to know if he loves her. Hearing him say the words "I love you" brought her a sense of hope and helped her fill an empty void within her. This made her feel as if she were important in Klima's life.

Selfless love in reality is nonexistent. We seek answers to our many insecurities in a relationship and the only way of finding comfort is by searching for it within our partners that reminds us of what we know is already true. That is why we want to be reassured of how much we are loved and needed. It would be silly to consider that it would diminish our relationship. Only if taken to extremes would it have the effect of cutting one's relationship short.